James Joyce, A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man (1916; Corrected Edn. 1967) - Chap. 2

Extract

[ The second chapter traces Stephen’s transition into teenage and the upsurge of sexuality feelings and ideas in his mind and body. The otherness of the world - including the ’alien’ will of others is delineated especially in his relations with E. C. [Emma Clery], the tentative object of desires which he would slack instead in contacts with prostitutes.
 It is worth reflecting that Joyce was in an ambiguous position in Dublin: he was on perfectly good terms with his middle-class school-companions and their families but it must have been understood that he was not really a prospective partner for any of their sisters, coming from a family which had placed the expectation that he would make a living for his parents and his siblings lay on his own shoulders as a result of his father’s financial incompetence.
 The first passage offers an ‘epiphany’ [see attached] of older women engaged in pointless to-and-fro, and the general depletion of human spirits which their maundering conversation represents marks in one way the effect of Stephen/Joyce’s displacement from the ‘comfort and revery’ of suburban Blackrock to the near-slum environment of the inner city as a result of that incompetence (’“There’s a crack of the whip left in me yet”, said Mr Dedalus’: p.68.). Joyce offers a series of cameos of the effect of the dull phenomenon of Dublin on his youthful mind (‘He was sitting ... He was sitting’: p.69.)]

He was sitting in the narrow breakfast room high up in the old darkwindowed house. The firelight flickered on the wall and beyond the window a spectral dusk was gathering upon the river. Before the fire an old woman was busy making tea and, as she bustled at the task, she told in a low voice of what the [69] priest and the doctor had said. She told too of certain changes they had seen in her of late and of her odd ways and sayings. He sat listening to the words and following the ways of adventure that lay open in the coals, arches and vaults and winding galleries and jagged caverns.
 Suddenly he became aware of something in the doorway. A skull appeared suspended in the gloom of the doorway. A feeble creature like a monkey was there, drawn thither by the sound of voices at the fire. A whining voice came from the door asking:
 -Is that Josephine?
 The old bustling woman answered cheerily from the fireplace:
 -No, Ellen, it’s Stephen.
 -O . O, good evening, Stephen.
 He answered the greeting and saw a silly smile break over the face in the doorway.
 -Do you want anything, Ellen? asked the old woman at the fire.
 But she did not answer the question and said:
 -I thought it was Josephine. I thought you were Josephine, Stephen.
 And, repeating this several times, she fell to laughing feebly.
  
 He was sitting in the midst of a children’s party at Harold’s Cross. His silent watchful manner had grown upon him and he took little part in the games. The children, wearing the spoils of their crackers, danced and romped noisily and, though he tried to share their merriment, he felt himself a gloomy figure amid the gay cocked hats and sunbonnets.
 But when he had sung his song and withdrawn into a snug corner of the room he began to taste the joy of his loneliness. The mirth, which in the beginning of the evening had seemed to him false and trivial, was like a soothing air to him, passing gaily by his senses, hiding from other eyes the feverish agitation of his blood while through the circling of the dancers and amid the music and laughter her glance travelled to [70] his corner, flattering, taunting, searching, exciting his heart.
 In the hall the children who had stayed latest were putting on their things: the party was over. She had thrown a shawl about her and, as they went together towards the tram, sprays of her fresh warm breath flew gaily above her cowled head and her shoes tapped blithely on the glassy road.
 It was the last tram. The lank brown horses knew it and shook their bells to the clear night in admonition. The conductor talked with the driver, both nodding often in the green light of the lamp. On the empty seats of the tram were scattered a few coloured tickets. No sound of footsteps came up or down the road. No sound broke the peace of the night save when the lank brown horses rubbed their noses together and shook their bells.
 They seemed to listen, he on the upper step and she on the lower. She came up to his step many times and went down to hers again between their phrases and once or twice stood close beside him for some moments on the upper step, forgetting to go down, and then went down. His heart danced upon her movements like a cork upon a tide. He heard what her eyes said to him from beneath their cowl and knew that in some dim past, whether in life or revery, he had heard their tale before. He saw her urge her vanities, her fine dress and sash and long black stockings, and knew that he had yielded to them a thousand times. Yet a voice within him spoke above the noise of his dancing heart, asking him would he take her gift to which he had only to stretch out his hand. And he remembered the day when he and Eileen had stood looking into the hotel grounds, watching the waiters running up a trail of bunting on the flagstaff and the fox terrier scampering to and fro on the sunny lawn and how, all of a sudden, she had broken out into a peal of laughter and had run down the sloping curve of the path. Now, as then, he stood listlessly in his place, seemingly a tranquil watcher of the scene before him.
 -She too wants me to catch hold [71] of her, he thought. That’s why she came with me to the tram. I could easily catch hold Of her when she comes up to my step: nobody is looking. I could hold her and kiss her.
 But he did neither: and, when he was sitting alone in the deserted tram, he tore his ticket into shreds and stared gloomily at the corrugated footboard.

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